Secrets
by snitch in hand
Summary: COMPLETE! take a look into Hermione's diary. Shes going out with harry... but she loves ron. will harry find out? what will happen! takes place 6th year. ships: HHr, RHr


A/N: this is an entry for the FICFANT competition. So I need to have this here somewhere:

ID: JAN1FICFANT3

  
  


November 6th

  


I'm never confused, but for once I am. It's like my whole world has been bent in half. I've been going out with Harry for the whole school year. He loves me, he's told me but he didn't have to say it aloud, his green eyes tell the story. You can see it when he looks at me, the way I can find my reflection in the emeralds of his eyes and look into his soul. i hope that he doesnt look into me that way, because I'm not looking at him in return. I can't find the heart to tell him that I'm in love with his best friend.

It's not even like Ron is too good-looking. Being with him brings a new sense of light-heartedness that I've never felt with Harry. We seem to connect more, like when he says something funny, and we'll both be doubled over, laughing for so long that we forget why we even laughed in the first place. But if you watch his body language, how his arm always rubs against mine when we walk, or how he looks at me with this look of pure sincerity and admiration. Oh Merlyn... the same look Harry gives me, only better. Greater. More desirable.. 

  
  
  
  


November 7th 

  


I don't know what to do. How can everything be perfect, then come crashing down? It all started in the common room. Harry, Ron and I were doing stupid teacher impressions, but for some reason we were all hystarical. After Harry went to bed, Ron stayed downstairs with me. During my one-person skit - in which McGonagall revealed her secret love for the hula - I tripped, and landed right on top of Ron. Neither of us moved. It was unbeleavably comfortable, as if we were the last two pieces of a puzzle that were finally put together. Our eyes locked, and my heart was beating so loudly that I'm surprized he couldn't hear it. Then his lips met mine, and I put my arms around him. Everything was so comfortable as the fire brought a gentle light to the otherwise dark common room, lying on the sofa against the one I've loved for so long. That's when I heard, wuite clearly, a gasp. I sat upright and looked towards the stairs only to find the sound of running footsteps against stone. With a last glance at Ron, I walked in silence towards my dorm. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


November 8th 

  


Harry was oddly silent today. He seemed so distant, his face was solumn in thought. I couldn't help but to notice his unfriendliness towards ronal. When I asked Harry what was wrong, he said he would tell me later in the common room.

Ron went upstairs first tonight. He knew we needed to be alone. I looked over at Harry, who was pacing back and forth. I sat in a chair, unsure of what to say. What Harry said next was unexpected,

"I've known you for so long. You've influenced my taste in girls I've decided that you're the only one for me. The only one who's dealt with all I've had to go through. Which is why I can't lose you, Hermione."

At this point I'm moslty confused. I know I should've said something soothing, but I couldn't develop loving emotions, love-filed words towards Harry. When I didn't reply, he grabbed both my shoulders and looked me strait in the eye, 

"I'll say it plainly. I love you. I need you. If I can't have you, Hermione, I will die."

  
  
  
  


November 9th 

  


I didn't tell Ron what Harry said. I was about to, really I was. I saw Ron on his way to the Great Hall for dinner. We never showed up for out meal tonight... we were occupied. Even though we were in an empty halway, I couldn't help feeling watched. Ron was close to me, kisisng me. He took me in his arms and I closed my eyes, caught between two friends. I've never known that being so wrong could feel so good. I'm meeting him again tomorrow, while everyone else is at Hogsmeade. Wish me luck.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


November 10th 

  


I didn't know Harry had meant what he said. I didn't know he had followed Ron and me away from Hogsmeade. All I knew was that I loved Ron. He held me in his arms, as if to keep me there forever. I looked up at my Ronald, memorising this moment. I could see his smile in my mind's eye. I let myself be completely open to him, and he knew this. I floated into a sensation of pure bliss.

And that was when Harry started yelling, screaming, his face contorted in anger, eyes darkened in rage. He was clenching his wand, his hand in a fist. He ran up to me and pushed me out of Ron's arms. I fell, hitting my head on the cold stone ground. As I blacked out, my head buzzing, I could see a bright green light...

  
  


When I awoke my head throbbed with pain, I realized I was in the Hospital Wing, looking upon the faces of Dumbledore and Mme. Pomfrey.

"What's happened? Where's Ron?"

"Hermione.. Ronald is gone."

"No. No your lying! He can't..."

"I'm sorry."

  


I remember the silence. Everything was quiet, not even the owl made a sound. In my mind, Ron was smiling at me, and I could feel his love in my heart. It wasn't until I looked at Dumbledore that I started to cry. I was so empty, so alone, as I sobbed into my pillow, breaking the silence of the cruel morning glow.

  
  
  



End file.
